Christina Janiga Psychotherapy - Blog

This blog is not a substitute for therapy, but provides evidence-based education for the purposes of self-help and information

Your Quick guide to Attachment and Attachment Styles

Have you ever wondered what attachment and attachment styles are or where they come from? Perhaps you’ve heard someone mention their attachment style and now you’re curious about your own. Maybe you’ve noticed patterns repeating in your relationships regarding conflict, communication, and intimacy, and you want to know how to improve these areas or attract more compatible people into your life. Learning about attachment may be the answer you’re looking for!

What is Attachment Theory?

Attachment theory dates back to the 1960s through the work of psychoanalyst John Bowlby. Bowlby researched the effects of separation between infants and their caregivers, concluding that early attachment is an evolutionary necessity for an infant’s survival. Infants depend on their caregivers for food, safety, water, shelter, and warmth, as they are unable to provide these for themselves.

It was also discovered that when a child has a strong and stable attachment to their caregiver, they are more willing to explore new environments, engage with new experiences, and socialize with others—foundational experiences for healthy development.

The Attachment Styles

There are four categories of attachment that children can develop based on how well their needs are met during childhood and how safe and secure they feel in their bond with their caregivers. While childhood attachment styles can influence adult relationships, other life experiences can also shape or modify your attachment style.

Your attachment style influences how you perceive and respond to intimacy, manage and cope with conflict, communicate your needs and desires, and what your expectations are in relationships.

Important to Note: It’s common to resonate with more than one attachment style, and they can shift depending on the relationship. You might feel secure in some friendships but avoidant in romantic relationships.

Secure Attachment

People with a secure attachment style often grew up in environments where their needs were consistently met. These children could ask for reassurance and support without fear of repercussions, and they had caregivers who modeled emotional availability and awareness. Likely, secure individuals had interactions in their childhood that signaled they were valued, understood, and loved.

Signs of Secure Attachment:

 

  • You manage conflict well and don’t shy away from it.

  • You’re comfortable being alone and being close to others.

  • You can regulate your emotions and communicate your feelings and needs.

  • You have high self-esteem and can trust others.

  • You can ask for and provide emotional support.

Anxious Attachment Style

Those with an anxious attachment style often grew up with inconsistent caregivers.

This could look like having caregivers who sometimes comforted and provided security for you, and other times didn’t. This can result in confusion for children and these children are often unable to develop a stable sense of security. Children who develop an anxious attachment style may grow up to believe that they are responsible for taking care of others and others’ needs.

Signs of Anxious Attachment:

 

  • Difficulty trusting others.

  • Difficulty with independence.

  • Craving intimacy from others.

  • Feeling unworthy or undeserving of love and affection.

  • Fear of abandonment and rejection.

  • Sensitivity to criticism.

  • Seeking approval from others.

  • Tendency for jealousy and neediness in relationships.

Avoidant Attachment Style

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may have had caregivers who were not physically present or were emotionally disconnected.

When expressing your emotions or needs, you may have been rejected or punished and you may have been left to fend for yourself a lot of the time. You may have been expected to be independent and figure things out for yourself. These children may learn that they cannot rely on others for support and affection. 

Signs of Avoidant Attachment:

 

  • Minimizing closeness with others.

  • Strongly valuing independence.

  • Difficulty trusting others.

  • Preferring to spend time alone.

  • Struggling with commitment.

  • Discomfort with expressing emotions or being intimate.

  • Feeling like you don’t need anyone.

Disorganized Attachment Style

Also known as the fearful-avoidant style, this attachment combines tendencies of both anxious and avoidant styles, resulting in unpredictable behaviour. People with a disorganized attachment style may have experienced childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect, causing their caregivers to be both a source of security and fear.

Signs of Disorganized Attachment:

 

  • Fear of rejection.

  • Difficulty trusting others.

  • Low self-esteem.

  • Craving intimacy but fearing it.

  • Need for closeness while pushing others away.

  • Difficulty regulating emotions.

  • Exhibiting contradictory behaviours.

  • Showing tendencies of both anxious and avoidant styles.

The Role of Psychotherapy in Attachment

Understanding your attachment and attachment style can shed light on on some patterns you may repeat when it comes to relationships (romantic or platonic) and can allow for you to explore strategies  to help manage and soothe attachment-related stress and triggers. Psychotherapy can help reframe old beliefs, identify relational needs, and discover new tools for communication and boundary-setting. This leads to a more conscious approach to relationships, intimacy, and conflict.

Image of Chloe Hull, psychotherapist who supports people with anxiety and perfectionism

Our therapist, Chloe Hull, works from an attachment-based lens and explores attachment styles, helping individuals understand how their upbringing shapes their current relationships and interactions. If this topic resonates with you, reach out to Chloe Hull today.

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Sources: 

Ackerman, C. E. (2024, February 27). What is attachment theory? Bowlby’s 4 stages explained. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/ 

Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find – and keep – love. New York, Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin.

Mandriota, M. (2021, October 13). 4 types of attachment: What’s your style? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships 

Sussex Publishers. (2022, July 28). Attachment-based therapy. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/attachment-based-therapy#:~:text=Attachment%2Dbased%20therapy%20developed%20from,interact%20with%20their%20environment%2C%20to 

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